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My Mother/My Son

Lately, I have been thinking about this and thought I would share. I figured that most if not all of you could relate to this blog and I welcome you sharing your thoughts.

A Letter to my Mother:

You became ill and fought 5 years or so with a rare disease of the brain that ended your life way too early. However, because we can not change the past and we need to appreciate what we do have, I was able to thank my higher power for keeping you here with us long enough for our young son to remember. Johnathan’s birth was not only a small miracle for me, but it was a miracle that allowed you to have another reason to hang on. You became like a second mother to him and his attachment to you was equally touching. You were able to babysit him with dad many, many times and enjoy his young years. As time went on, you were unable to watch him but we came to visit you either atlight the hospital or at home at least twice a week. He would lay on you or in your hospital bed and share all of your food, even at about 4 years old, not even wanting to leave to grab a bite to eat. It was sweet and we would spend entire days by your side with him content to just be near you. At age 5 at some point, you had to leave us all and to this day I miss you each and every day. Johnathan still keeps a snapshot of the two you, one of the rare pictures you allowed us to take of you. His memory of you seems vivid and for that I am thankful. He has graduated high school, graduated college, and then graduated with a masters degree all without you. At each ceremony, I felt bitter that you were not there to share this with all of us and that all of these milestones were taken from you and all of us, especially Johnathan. Now, in less than a year he will be marrying his high school sweetheart and again, I feel the heaviness of not being able to share this with you yet again. Somehow I feel cheated and become upset with myself for feeling this way. Even though you are not here on this earth with us, I do know and believe that you watch over us all, especially Johnathan, and share all of those moments with us. I feel you smiling at all of his successes and know that he feels this as well. As a child, I told him that you did this and that the brightest star in the sky was you watching him and that every night all he had to do was look up and there you would be. I plan on strolling outside the eve of the wedding to look for you and see that sparkle which we know will be you smiling.